The Anti-Messiah (mrda) wrote,
The Anti-Messiah

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MRDA the Amanojyaku

"An 'amanojaku' [sic] is a devil beneath the guardian deities of a temple. The term is sometimes used to describe someone who is deliberately contrary."
- Footnote from The Erotic Animé Movie Guide

"Overfiend - I'm the kind of guy that'll get more involved - just because you told me not to!"
- Amano Jyaku, Urotsukidoji IV

"Breaking myself to try to keep everyone from walking over me."
- American Head Charge

This ties in somewhat with the previous post where I mentioned my dislike of moral duties.....

I like to think of myself as a rather prideful character - a guy who takes pleasure in the conception and execution of his own ideas. I like coming up with the good idea, putting one foot in front of the other to form a step, and taking pride in the fact that I executed said step entirely of my own volition..... such, I absolutely hate it when anyone tries to hijack this vessel with their commands and agendas......

Do you ever experience moments where someone tells you to do something - after you already thought of doing it yourself? Such moments always leave me thinking my will erased and overwritten by that of the other(s) - what belonged to me, rendered mine no longer....

.... thus,in an attempt to re-assert self-dominance, I turn against the original idea, leaving it dead and bleeding by the roadside.

Often, I find this hinders me more than it helps; and yet, I get a Pyrrhic sense of satisfaction, knowing that X person did not get the privilege of playing Puppet Master.

A good example of such? When I decide upon a course of action, such as tidying up my living quarters; I determine I'll follow through on it as soon as I arrive the next day; however another will set foot in said quarters whilst in its "before" state, offer an unsolicited opinion on said area-in-said-state and suggest I "do something about it"; having my plan tainted by association an external authority, leaves me with a much diminished will in regards to seeing it through.

Thus the "Fuck it!" (anti-) imperative kicks in - no doubt the same impulse a terrorist or freedom fighter feels when threatened with capture or subjugation - the impulse to not be taken alive!

A workmate hit the nail on the head for why I (and he) hates taking "advice" (read: orders) from authority figures: "Give them an inch and they'll take the credit!" proves a good summation of his point. From past experience, I can say he's not wrong; I just think back to the last time someone had the nerve to declare my successful actions the sole, or predominant result of their wish and desire....

Whilst I don't deny my 'Amanojyaku' tendencies can prove counter-productive at times, at least they help me assert self-dominance in the face of those who would try to overrule it.....

.....such is the pride of MRDA.....

Tags: egoism, evolution, musings, pride, self-affirmation, thoughts

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